Immigrant From Here

"Words … are innocent, neutral, precise, standing for this, defining that, meaning the other, so if you look after them you can build bridges across incomprehension and chaos… They deserve respect." - Tom Stoppard

I watched Barak O'Bamarama the other night, and I frankly can't remember if it was his post-Wisconsin speech or part of his Texas "debate" with Hillary. These babble fests do tend to just run on from one to the next. No matter. What matters is what has stuck in my mind since. He used the old standby sentence "We are a nation of immigrants." That one always makes my skin crawl. And it always reminds me of once, years ago, watching an erudite and literate Canadian political reporter for whom I had some good measure of respect as a straight shooter (Patrick Duffy) make a similar statement: "After all, we are all immigrants in this country." What a pity. I lost all respect for him in that instant and could never again bring myself to take him seriously about anything, or even watch him.

These statements and similar ones, which have become mantra-like over the years, offend on so many levels it would be too time consuming to cover them all, so I'll address only a couple.

Firstly, I always take umbrage when a speaker opts for a clever turn of words rather than say precisely what he or she means. They toss out something handy that they know will not be challenged, when, were they to be precise, their statements might draw unwanted scrutiny and objection, forcing them to defend a position they might be incapable of defending. It is cheap and unprofessional.

Secondly, as I have stated earlier, I am something of a fanatic in demanding accuracy in use of language by public speakers. Barak and Patrick, to put it inelegantly, you are full of crap and what's worse is you are both bright enough to know it. An "immigrant" is a person who resides in one country but was born in another. This is not complex. This is not subtle. This is not open to misinterpretation. This is not open to expansion to include other meanings. I was born in the center of Toronto, period. That one set of grandparents emigrated to Canada from England is irrelevant. That another set of great-great-great-great grandparents emigrated from Ireland does not make me an immigrant.

No doubt many who use this little shibboleth would argue that only 'first nations' people can be considered "native" or non-immigrant. Even if one accepted the perverted meaning of immigrant that is based on heritage rather than place of birth, the people making such an argument would be, well, full of crap. It has pretty much been established beyond doubt by genetic testing that North and South American aborigines are descended from inhabitants of Asia.

I suppose it might be argued then that the original statement is correct: if even natives are immigrants, we are ALL immigrants. This means, of course, that the word might just as well be expunged from the language as useless because of its universal applicability. And then we are left without a word to distinguish between a person who was born in a given country and one who moved to that country from elsewhere, should we have need. But that's precisely the point, isn't it - to eliminate, for purposes of political correctness or some more specific need, that distinction through bastardization of the language?

Most of the time I find the subject rather meaningless. What matters to me is a person's character, not the particular piece of geography on which they happened to have been born.

I recall once, when in a pub in Dublin with my significant other, one of the locals with whom we were enjoying a pint of Guinness made some comment about "you Yanks". I quickly corrected him. He then asked why we Canadians always seem so quick to correct that innocent and understandable error. I started into a long explanation of the relationship between Americans and Canadians and national identity and so forth. My girlfriend quickly (and wisely) cut me off and said: "Because we are Canadians, not Americans."

Patrick, Barak, please read carefully: I am not an immigrant. Please stop calling me one.